Bowl Crappiness Series

I, the great Jermdini, will now attempt my most dangerous trick yet: I will attempt to unravel the mysteries of the BCS.
I know what you're thinking; I shouldn't even attempt this because my head will probably explode.
It will do that, no doubt out of frustration rather than confusion.
Thus, I will outline a few foreseeable scenarios that involve the three most important games this coming weekend, being the SEC championship game, the Big 12 championship game, and USC vs. UCLA.
So the simplest scenario is that number one Alabama defeats Florida and second-ranked Oklahoma beats Missouri.
In that case, count these two games as national semi-finals and send those two teams to the national championship game.
I know the Texas fans think they should be ahead of Oklahoma simply because of a 40-35 head-to-head victory, but those same fans forget that their Longhorns lost to Texas Tech.
Thus, all three teams should be tied for second in the BCS, and should play Missouri in jamboree format circa high school ball.
Anyhoosers, the next scenario is that Florida, number four in the latest rankings, defeats Alabama, and Oklahoma also wins.
In my mind, this would send Oklahoma to the number one slot and Florida up to number two, and sets up a national championship game that no one other than Oklahoma and Florida fans really wants to see.
Face it, those are two of the most hated programs in the country.
These next several options bring USC into the picture.
Let's say Alabama wins and Oklahoma loses.
If USC wins, I think that would bring them back into the national championship game, just like I predicted after Pete Carroll said the BCS "stinks."
Yeah, USC would jump Texas, as they should, and it pains me to say that.
If USC loses as well, there are two options left: Texas and Utah.
Oh my, talk about "pandelirium."
Of course the voters would send Texas to the title game, despite that whole "finished third in the conference" thing, but the worst part is that even that wouldn't cause the powers that be to consider a playoff.
Think about it, Utah vs. 'Bama, or anyone for that matter, for a national championship game.
Next, consider the possibilities if Florida beats Alabama, and Oklahoma loses.
If USC wins, they'll play the Gators in another "Battle of the Hated Programs," but the ESPN guys will be excited for a whole month.
Some of them would probably start working for Fox just so they could call that game.
"Tebow versus the Trojans, the Trojans versus Tebow, oh thank you, Jesus!"
The last of my scenarios is two-fold.
If Florida wins big over Alabama, and Oklahoma and USC both lose, we're looking at Florida-Texas, just as I predicted would be the result of a playoff.
That would be a great way to end the season, but not as great as the other option.
If the same thing happens, except Florida wins a nail-biter over Alabama, both teams might get enough style points to stay one and two.
The two teams could shake hands in Atlanta and say, "See you in Miami."
In all likelihood, Texas would jump over Alabama anyway, but that is not guaranteed because there is no method to the madness that is the BCS.
I would laugh endlessly if the almighty computers and voters put together their collective pea-brain and came up with an SEC championship rematch for the national title game.
It would be an SEC fan's dream, but just another episode in the fairness nightmare that is the BCS.