Well, merry Christmas everybody!
I'm feeling a bit more in the spirit now that I'm here in the old homestead, so I figured I would give out a few Christmas gifts to members of the sports world.
So imagine me gracefully bounding from a fireplace as we take a peek into my giant present bag...
-Rob Parker, Detroit News columnist. Gift: Swift Kick with a Santa boot. If you haven't seen the Rod Marinelli press conference, just know that the question "Do you wish your daughter had married a better defensive coordinator?" was involved. This guy gets a 9 out of 10 on the douche-o-meter, and is on my list of guys that shouldn't get paid to do the job I wish I had.
-New York Yankees. Gift: A Giving Christmas Spirit. I don't necessarily feel bad for the other teams in the Major Leagues or even the AL East, I just hate to see Mark Texiera and CC Sabathia end up as the same type of washed-up has-beens that Johnny Damon became and Jason Giambi has barely survived. I really think the Yankees would offer $100 million if I could get the Red Sox to pretend they were interested in signing me.
-The NFL. Gift: A sense of humor. Wes Welker was fined this week for making a snow angel. Shaun Ellis was fined for throwing a snowball at fans who had just thrown snowballs at him. Frosty the Snowman was suspended because he wouldn't take off his hat, which obviously didn't meet league uniform regulations.
-The NBA. Gift: A soup kitchen. With all the coaches that have been laid off this year, I figure there may be some hard times a-comin'. I also thought about giving league general managers the gift of patience, but maybe that's too much to ask.
-University of Texas. Gift: Ohio State in a bowl game. I can't really claim this gift, since the BCS committee already gave the Longhorns the opportunity to play a team that has gotten smacked around in two straight national championship games and gotten worse since. I don't think beating the Buckeyes will make Mack Brown and friends feel any less jilted by their conference and the BCS, but I will enjoy watching the most overrated team in college football get lit up.
-Urban Meyer, University of Florida football coach. Gift: A soul. I don't have any real evidence for his lack of a soul, other than all the signs that suggest he traded his in. He went undefeated at Utah to help the Utes become the nation's first BCS-busters, then came to Florida to win a national title in his second season with a quarterback that no one believed in. That quarterback's back-up turned out to be possibly the best college football player of all time who is also a missionary. Oh yeah, Meyer's Gators have a shot at another national title on January 8. All that screams that Satan is the proud current owner of Urban's soul. Just kidding, but seriously...
That's all the fun I can handle for now, but I hope you all have a merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I need a new soapbox...
I recognize that there are other sports out there, but college football is really all I can find important enough rants about.
Thus, I will take another opportunity to further denounce the BCS and, in this case ESPN.
ESPN absolutely perturbs me.
They make themselves the forum for discussion on big-time bowl snubs based on BCS rankings.
Their anchors slide in comments about the obvious need for a playoff.
They even have a simulator feature on espn.com that allows fans to use Accu-score predictions, whatever that means, to simulate what a playoff would look like using an assortment of seeding options.
I don't want to hear any of their crap anymore because they play both sides of the ball.
While they play up to the fans' desire for a playoff, they hand the BCS asinine amounts of cash for the rights to broadcast the same bowls their content would suggest the network was against.
If "the worldwide leader in sports" would have simply told the BCS big-wigs that ESPN/ABC wasn't interested in a formula-based champion, therefore they would not pay to broadcast them, who knows what could happen.
Furthermore, if they could somehow get Fox in on the boycott, where would the BCS turn?
They would either have to contend with the eternal fuzziness of NBC (think about it, watching "the peacock" in HD is like watching ABC on foil-covered rabbit-ears) or possibly CBS.
One of my co-workers suggested that viewers would watch the BCS games regardless of the channel because college football is so popular, even if the games were on Versus.
I disagree, seeing as how I can tell you which channels are ABC, CBS, FOX, and ESPN in two different markets off the top of my head, and I've only heard one repeated comment about Versus.
"Anybody know what number this Versus crap is on?"
ESPN has shown it's true colors on this issue, and I just want them to stop pulling a Kerry and stick to their side.
In addition, even their Accu-score predictions are biased.
I ran the simulator ten or twelve times using the BCS rankings and substituting Virginia Tech for 16th-ranked BYU.
What I got were several upsets, usually to bump Texas out of the first round against Georgia Tech or to get Ohio State past Texas Tech.
Ohio State would not beat Texas Tech ever, nor will they come within three touchdowns of Texas in the Fiesta Bowl.
What's even more interesting is that 75% of my simulations ended with the same championship game: Florida vs. USC.
How surprising, ESPN came up with "Tim Tebow, oh Tim Tebow" against the "mighty Trojans" as the most likely championship outcome of a playoff.
Give me a break.
Thus, I will take another opportunity to further denounce the BCS and, in this case ESPN.
ESPN absolutely perturbs me.
They make themselves the forum for discussion on big-time bowl snubs based on BCS rankings.
Their anchors slide in comments about the obvious need for a playoff.
They even have a simulator feature on espn.com that allows fans to use Accu-score predictions, whatever that means, to simulate what a playoff would look like using an assortment of seeding options.
I don't want to hear any of their crap anymore because they play both sides of the ball.
While they play up to the fans' desire for a playoff, they hand the BCS asinine amounts of cash for the rights to broadcast the same bowls their content would suggest the network was against.
If "the worldwide leader in sports" would have simply told the BCS big-wigs that ESPN/ABC wasn't interested in a formula-based champion, therefore they would not pay to broadcast them, who knows what could happen.
Furthermore, if they could somehow get Fox in on the boycott, where would the BCS turn?
They would either have to contend with the eternal fuzziness of NBC (think about it, watching "the peacock" in HD is like watching ABC on foil-covered rabbit-ears) or possibly CBS.
One of my co-workers suggested that viewers would watch the BCS games regardless of the channel because college football is so popular, even if the games were on Versus.
I disagree, seeing as how I can tell you which channels are ABC, CBS, FOX, and ESPN in two different markets off the top of my head, and I've only heard one repeated comment about Versus.
"Anybody know what number this Versus crap is on?"
ESPN has shown it's true colors on this issue, and I just want them to stop pulling a Kerry and stick to their side.
In addition, even their Accu-score predictions are biased.
I ran the simulator ten or twelve times using the BCS rankings and substituting Virginia Tech for 16th-ranked BYU.
What I got were several upsets, usually to bump Texas out of the first round against Georgia Tech or to get Ohio State past Texas Tech.
Ohio State would not beat Texas Tech ever, nor will they come within three touchdowns of Texas in the Fiesta Bowl.
What's even more interesting is that 75% of my simulations ended with the same championship game: Florida vs. USC.
How surprising, ESPN came up with "Tim Tebow, oh Tim Tebow" against the "mighty Trojans" as the most likely championship outcome of a playoff.
Give me a break.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Bowl Crappiness Series
I, the great Jermdini, will now attempt my most dangerous trick yet: I will attempt to unravel the mysteries of the BCS.
I know what you're thinking; I shouldn't even attempt this because my head will probably explode.
It will do that, no doubt out of frustration rather than confusion.
Thus, I will outline a few foreseeable scenarios that involve the three most important games this coming weekend, being the SEC championship game, the Big 12 championship game, and USC vs. UCLA.
So the simplest scenario is that number one Alabama defeats Florida and second-ranked Oklahoma beats Missouri.
In that case, count these two games as national semi-finals and send those two teams to the national championship game.
I know the Texas fans think they should be ahead of Oklahoma simply because of a 40-35 head-to-head victory, but those same fans forget that their Longhorns lost to Texas Tech.
Thus, all three teams should be tied for second in the BCS, and should play Missouri in jamboree format circa high school ball.
Anyhoosers, the next scenario is that Florida, number four in the latest rankings, defeats Alabama, and Oklahoma also wins.
In my mind, this would send Oklahoma to the number one slot and Florida up to number two, and sets up a national championship game that no one other than Oklahoma and Florida fans really wants to see.
Face it, those are two of the most hated programs in the country.
These next several options bring USC into the picture.
Let's say Alabama wins and Oklahoma loses.
If USC wins, I think that would bring them back into the national championship game, just like I predicted after Pete Carroll said the BCS "stinks."
Yeah, USC would jump Texas, as they should, and it pains me to say that.
If USC loses as well, there are two options left: Texas and Utah.
Oh my, talk about "pandelirium."
Of course the voters would send Texas to the title game, despite that whole "finished third in the conference" thing, but the worst part is that even that wouldn't cause the powers that be to consider a playoff.
Think about it, Utah vs. 'Bama, or anyone for that matter, for a national championship game.
Next, consider the possibilities if Florida beats Alabama, and Oklahoma loses.
If USC wins, they'll play the Gators in another "Battle of the Hated Programs," but the ESPN guys will be excited for a whole month.
Some of them would probably start working for Fox just so they could call that game.
"Tebow versus the Trojans, the Trojans versus Tebow, oh thank you, Jesus!"
The last of my scenarios is two-fold.
If Florida wins big over Alabama, and Oklahoma and USC both lose, we're looking at Florida-Texas, just as I predicted would be the result of a playoff.
That would be a great way to end the season, but not as great as the other option.
If the same thing happens, except Florida wins a nail-biter over Alabama, both teams might get enough style points to stay one and two.
The two teams could shake hands in Atlanta and say, "See you in Miami."
In all likelihood, Texas would jump over Alabama anyway, but that is not guaranteed because there is no method to the madness that is the BCS.
I would laugh endlessly if the almighty computers and voters put together their collective pea-brain and came up with an SEC championship rematch for the national title game.
It would be an SEC fan's dream, but just another episode in the fairness nightmare that is the BCS.
I know what you're thinking; I shouldn't even attempt this because my head will probably explode.
It will do that, no doubt out of frustration rather than confusion.
Thus, I will outline a few foreseeable scenarios that involve the three most important games this coming weekend, being the SEC championship game, the Big 12 championship game, and USC vs. UCLA.
So the simplest scenario is that number one Alabama defeats Florida and second-ranked Oklahoma beats Missouri.
In that case, count these two games as national semi-finals and send those two teams to the national championship game.
I know the Texas fans think they should be ahead of Oklahoma simply because of a 40-35 head-to-head victory, but those same fans forget that their Longhorns lost to Texas Tech.
Thus, all three teams should be tied for second in the BCS, and should play Missouri in jamboree format circa high school ball.
Anyhoosers, the next scenario is that Florida, number four in the latest rankings, defeats Alabama, and Oklahoma also wins.
In my mind, this would send Oklahoma to the number one slot and Florida up to number two, and sets up a national championship game that no one other than Oklahoma and Florida fans really wants to see.
Face it, those are two of the most hated programs in the country.
These next several options bring USC into the picture.
Let's say Alabama wins and Oklahoma loses.
If USC wins, I think that would bring them back into the national championship game, just like I predicted after Pete Carroll said the BCS "stinks."
Yeah, USC would jump Texas, as they should, and it pains me to say that.
If USC loses as well, there are two options left: Texas and Utah.
Oh my, talk about "pandelirium."
Of course the voters would send Texas to the title game, despite that whole "finished third in the conference" thing, but the worst part is that even that wouldn't cause the powers that be to consider a playoff.
Think about it, Utah vs. 'Bama, or anyone for that matter, for a national championship game.
Next, consider the possibilities if Florida beats Alabama, and Oklahoma loses.
If USC wins, they'll play the Gators in another "Battle of the Hated Programs," but the ESPN guys will be excited for a whole month.
Some of them would probably start working for Fox just so they could call that game.
"Tebow versus the Trojans, the Trojans versus Tebow, oh thank you, Jesus!"
The last of my scenarios is two-fold.
If Florida wins big over Alabama, and Oklahoma and USC both lose, we're looking at Florida-Texas, just as I predicted would be the result of a playoff.
That would be a great way to end the season, but not as great as the other option.
If the same thing happens, except Florida wins a nail-biter over Alabama, both teams might get enough style points to stay one and two.
The two teams could shake hands in Atlanta and say, "See you in Miami."
In all likelihood, Texas would jump over Alabama anyway, but that is not guaranteed because there is no method to the madness that is the BCS.
I would laugh endlessly if the almighty computers and voters put together their collective pea-brain and came up with an SEC championship rematch for the national title game.
It would be an SEC fan's dream, but just another episode in the fairness nightmare that is the BCS.
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