Well, merry Christmas everybody!
I'm feeling a bit more in the spirit now that I'm here in the old homestead, so I figured I would give out a few Christmas gifts to members of the sports world.
So imagine me gracefully bounding from a fireplace as we take a peek into my giant present bag...
-Rob Parker, Detroit News columnist. Gift: Swift Kick with a Santa boot. If you haven't seen the Rod Marinelli press conference, just know that the question "Do you wish your daughter had married a better defensive coordinator?" was involved. This guy gets a 9 out of 10 on the douche-o-meter, and is on my list of guys that shouldn't get paid to do the job I wish I had.
-New York Yankees. Gift: A Giving Christmas Spirit. I don't necessarily feel bad for the other teams in the Major Leagues or even the AL East, I just hate to see Mark Texiera and CC Sabathia end up as the same type of washed-up has-beens that Johnny Damon became and Jason Giambi has barely survived. I really think the Yankees would offer $100 million if I could get the Red Sox to pretend they were interested in signing me.
-The NFL. Gift: A sense of humor. Wes Welker was fined this week for making a snow angel. Shaun Ellis was fined for throwing a snowball at fans who had just thrown snowballs at him. Frosty the Snowman was suspended because he wouldn't take off his hat, which obviously didn't meet league uniform regulations.
-The NBA. Gift: A soup kitchen. With all the coaches that have been laid off this year, I figure there may be some hard times a-comin'. I also thought about giving league general managers the gift of patience, but maybe that's too much to ask.
-University of Texas. Gift: Ohio State in a bowl game. I can't really claim this gift, since the BCS committee already gave the Longhorns the opportunity to play a team that has gotten smacked around in two straight national championship games and gotten worse since. I don't think beating the Buckeyes will make Mack Brown and friends feel any less jilted by their conference and the BCS, but I will enjoy watching the most overrated team in college football get lit up.
-Urban Meyer, University of Florida football coach. Gift: A soul. I don't have any real evidence for his lack of a soul, other than all the signs that suggest he traded his in. He went undefeated at Utah to help the Utes become the nation's first BCS-busters, then came to Florida to win a national title in his second season with a quarterback that no one believed in. That quarterback's back-up turned out to be possibly the best college football player of all time who is also a missionary. Oh yeah, Meyer's Gators have a shot at another national title on January 8. All that screams that Satan is the proud current owner of Urban's soul. Just kidding, but seriously...
That's all the fun I can handle for now, but I hope you all have a merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I need a new soapbox...
I recognize that there are other sports out there, but college football is really all I can find important enough rants about.
Thus, I will take another opportunity to further denounce the BCS and, in this case ESPN.
ESPN absolutely perturbs me.
They make themselves the forum for discussion on big-time bowl snubs based on BCS rankings.
Their anchors slide in comments about the obvious need for a playoff.
They even have a simulator feature on espn.com that allows fans to use Accu-score predictions, whatever that means, to simulate what a playoff would look like using an assortment of seeding options.
I don't want to hear any of their crap anymore because they play both sides of the ball.
While they play up to the fans' desire for a playoff, they hand the BCS asinine amounts of cash for the rights to broadcast the same bowls their content would suggest the network was against.
If "the worldwide leader in sports" would have simply told the BCS big-wigs that ESPN/ABC wasn't interested in a formula-based champion, therefore they would not pay to broadcast them, who knows what could happen.
Furthermore, if they could somehow get Fox in on the boycott, where would the BCS turn?
They would either have to contend with the eternal fuzziness of NBC (think about it, watching "the peacock" in HD is like watching ABC on foil-covered rabbit-ears) or possibly CBS.
One of my co-workers suggested that viewers would watch the BCS games regardless of the channel because college football is so popular, even if the games were on Versus.
I disagree, seeing as how I can tell you which channels are ABC, CBS, FOX, and ESPN in two different markets off the top of my head, and I've only heard one repeated comment about Versus.
"Anybody know what number this Versus crap is on?"
ESPN has shown it's true colors on this issue, and I just want them to stop pulling a Kerry and stick to their side.
In addition, even their Accu-score predictions are biased.
I ran the simulator ten or twelve times using the BCS rankings and substituting Virginia Tech for 16th-ranked BYU.
What I got were several upsets, usually to bump Texas out of the first round against Georgia Tech or to get Ohio State past Texas Tech.
Ohio State would not beat Texas Tech ever, nor will they come within three touchdowns of Texas in the Fiesta Bowl.
What's even more interesting is that 75% of my simulations ended with the same championship game: Florida vs. USC.
How surprising, ESPN came up with "Tim Tebow, oh Tim Tebow" against the "mighty Trojans" as the most likely championship outcome of a playoff.
Give me a break.
Thus, I will take another opportunity to further denounce the BCS and, in this case ESPN.
ESPN absolutely perturbs me.
They make themselves the forum for discussion on big-time bowl snubs based on BCS rankings.
Their anchors slide in comments about the obvious need for a playoff.
They even have a simulator feature on espn.com that allows fans to use Accu-score predictions, whatever that means, to simulate what a playoff would look like using an assortment of seeding options.
I don't want to hear any of their crap anymore because they play both sides of the ball.
While they play up to the fans' desire for a playoff, they hand the BCS asinine amounts of cash for the rights to broadcast the same bowls their content would suggest the network was against.
If "the worldwide leader in sports" would have simply told the BCS big-wigs that ESPN/ABC wasn't interested in a formula-based champion, therefore they would not pay to broadcast them, who knows what could happen.
Furthermore, if they could somehow get Fox in on the boycott, where would the BCS turn?
They would either have to contend with the eternal fuzziness of NBC (think about it, watching "the peacock" in HD is like watching ABC on foil-covered rabbit-ears) or possibly CBS.
One of my co-workers suggested that viewers would watch the BCS games regardless of the channel because college football is so popular, even if the games were on Versus.
I disagree, seeing as how I can tell you which channels are ABC, CBS, FOX, and ESPN in two different markets off the top of my head, and I've only heard one repeated comment about Versus.
"Anybody know what number this Versus crap is on?"
ESPN has shown it's true colors on this issue, and I just want them to stop pulling a Kerry and stick to their side.
In addition, even their Accu-score predictions are biased.
I ran the simulator ten or twelve times using the BCS rankings and substituting Virginia Tech for 16th-ranked BYU.
What I got were several upsets, usually to bump Texas out of the first round against Georgia Tech or to get Ohio State past Texas Tech.
Ohio State would not beat Texas Tech ever, nor will they come within three touchdowns of Texas in the Fiesta Bowl.
What's even more interesting is that 75% of my simulations ended with the same championship game: Florida vs. USC.
How surprising, ESPN came up with "Tim Tebow, oh Tim Tebow" against the "mighty Trojans" as the most likely championship outcome of a playoff.
Give me a break.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Bowl Crappiness Series
I, the great Jermdini, will now attempt my most dangerous trick yet: I will attempt to unravel the mysteries of the BCS.
I know what you're thinking; I shouldn't even attempt this because my head will probably explode.
It will do that, no doubt out of frustration rather than confusion.
Thus, I will outline a few foreseeable scenarios that involve the three most important games this coming weekend, being the SEC championship game, the Big 12 championship game, and USC vs. UCLA.
So the simplest scenario is that number one Alabama defeats Florida and second-ranked Oklahoma beats Missouri.
In that case, count these two games as national semi-finals and send those two teams to the national championship game.
I know the Texas fans think they should be ahead of Oklahoma simply because of a 40-35 head-to-head victory, but those same fans forget that their Longhorns lost to Texas Tech.
Thus, all three teams should be tied for second in the BCS, and should play Missouri in jamboree format circa high school ball.
Anyhoosers, the next scenario is that Florida, number four in the latest rankings, defeats Alabama, and Oklahoma also wins.
In my mind, this would send Oklahoma to the number one slot and Florida up to number two, and sets up a national championship game that no one other than Oklahoma and Florida fans really wants to see.
Face it, those are two of the most hated programs in the country.
These next several options bring USC into the picture.
Let's say Alabama wins and Oklahoma loses.
If USC wins, I think that would bring them back into the national championship game, just like I predicted after Pete Carroll said the BCS "stinks."
Yeah, USC would jump Texas, as they should, and it pains me to say that.
If USC loses as well, there are two options left: Texas and Utah.
Oh my, talk about "pandelirium."
Of course the voters would send Texas to the title game, despite that whole "finished third in the conference" thing, but the worst part is that even that wouldn't cause the powers that be to consider a playoff.
Think about it, Utah vs. 'Bama, or anyone for that matter, for a national championship game.
Next, consider the possibilities if Florida beats Alabama, and Oklahoma loses.
If USC wins, they'll play the Gators in another "Battle of the Hated Programs," but the ESPN guys will be excited for a whole month.
Some of them would probably start working for Fox just so they could call that game.
"Tebow versus the Trojans, the Trojans versus Tebow, oh thank you, Jesus!"
The last of my scenarios is two-fold.
If Florida wins big over Alabama, and Oklahoma and USC both lose, we're looking at Florida-Texas, just as I predicted would be the result of a playoff.
That would be a great way to end the season, but not as great as the other option.
If the same thing happens, except Florida wins a nail-biter over Alabama, both teams might get enough style points to stay one and two.
The two teams could shake hands in Atlanta and say, "See you in Miami."
In all likelihood, Texas would jump over Alabama anyway, but that is not guaranteed because there is no method to the madness that is the BCS.
I would laugh endlessly if the almighty computers and voters put together their collective pea-brain and came up with an SEC championship rematch for the national title game.
It would be an SEC fan's dream, but just another episode in the fairness nightmare that is the BCS.
I know what you're thinking; I shouldn't even attempt this because my head will probably explode.
It will do that, no doubt out of frustration rather than confusion.
Thus, I will outline a few foreseeable scenarios that involve the three most important games this coming weekend, being the SEC championship game, the Big 12 championship game, and USC vs. UCLA.
So the simplest scenario is that number one Alabama defeats Florida and second-ranked Oklahoma beats Missouri.
In that case, count these two games as national semi-finals and send those two teams to the national championship game.
I know the Texas fans think they should be ahead of Oklahoma simply because of a 40-35 head-to-head victory, but those same fans forget that their Longhorns lost to Texas Tech.
Thus, all three teams should be tied for second in the BCS, and should play Missouri in jamboree format circa high school ball.
Anyhoosers, the next scenario is that Florida, number four in the latest rankings, defeats Alabama, and Oklahoma also wins.
In my mind, this would send Oklahoma to the number one slot and Florida up to number two, and sets up a national championship game that no one other than Oklahoma and Florida fans really wants to see.
Face it, those are two of the most hated programs in the country.
These next several options bring USC into the picture.
Let's say Alabama wins and Oklahoma loses.
If USC wins, I think that would bring them back into the national championship game, just like I predicted after Pete Carroll said the BCS "stinks."
Yeah, USC would jump Texas, as they should, and it pains me to say that.
If USC loses as well, there are two options left: Texas and Utah.
Oh my, talk about "pandelirium."
Of course the voters would send Texas to the title game, despite that whole "finished third in the conference" thing, but the worst part is that even that wouldn't cause the powers that be to consider a playoff.
Think about it, Utah vs. 'Bama, or anyone for that matter, for a national championship game.
Next, consider the possibilities if Florida beats Alabama, and Oklahoma loses.
If USC wins, they'll play the Gators in another "Battle of the Hated Programs," but the ESPN guys will be excited for a whole month.
Some of them would probably start working for Fox just so they could call that game.
"Tebow versus the Trojans, the Trojans versus Tebow, oh thank you, Jesus!"
The last of my scenarios is two-fold.
If Florida wins big over Alabama, and Oklahoma and USC both lose, we're looking at Florida-Texas, just as I predicted would be the result of a playoff.
That would be a great way to end the season, but not as great as the other option.
If the same thing happens, except Florida wins a nail-biter over Alabama, both teams might get enough style points to stay one and two.
The two teams could shake hands in Atlanta and say, "See you in Miami."
In all likelihood, Texas would jump over Alabama anyway, but that is not guaranteed because there is no method to the madness that is the BCS.
I would laugh endlessly if the almighty computers and voters put together their collective pea-brain and came up with an SEC championship rematch for the national title game.
It would be an SEC fan's dream, but just another episode in the fairness nightmare that is the BCS.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Powder Rankings
I believe some of the voters for ESPN.com's NFL power rankings are on crack. I don't even know what league they watch.
There is only one ranking system on earth that makes less sense is the BCS (see my last post), so at least the power rankings don't determine any sort of major championship.
In the end, the overall rankings are basically right by my estimation, but some of the voters are completely off their rockers.
Let's take Matt Williamson of Scouts, inc., for example.
His rankings are as follows:
1. New York Giants- even though they lost to Cleveland.
2. Tennessee Titans- even though they are the last remaining undefeated team. I'll let that one slide.
3. Philadelphia Eagles- 5-4...enough said. Here's another stat, they're 0-3 against their division, which kills them in almost any tie-breaker.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers- That one makes sense.
5. Carolina Panthers- I don't think the Panthers are really this good, but everyone else does, so I'll let him have this one.
6. Tampa Bay Buccanneers-These guys are 6-3, but they've lost to New Orleans, Denver, and Dallas, who Williamson ranks 20,22,16, respectively. Basically, even he knows his rankings are nonsensical.
7. Washington Redskins- Even though they beat Philadelphia. Then again, so did nearly everyone else. Their only losses are to Williamson's numbers 1, 4, and a loss to the Rams in an emotional rebound game, yet they are ranked below Philly and Tampa Bay.
8. Baltimore Ravens- Overall, a decent team for a team who doesn't have a quarterback.
9. Arizona Cardinals- These guys are the slumlords of the NFL, ruling a division full of 2-7 opponents.
10. New York Jets- A 6-3 division leader with a hall of fame quarterback and talented runningbacks, yet they're behind 3 second-place teams and a third-place team.
And that's just the screwiness at the top. There are other spots down lower where I think he got tired of thinking.
There really isn't any reason for me to question these rankings, other than to say this: Why does Matt Wiliamson get to vote in such a highly-publicized poll and make so much money while I can't get a full-time job as any sort of sports writer?
I want some of what he's snorting.
There is only one ranking system on earth that makes less sense is the BCS (see my last post), so at least the power rankings don't determine any sort of major championship.
In the end, the overall rankings are basically right by my estimation, but some of the voters are completely off their rockers.
Let's take Matt Williamson of Scouts, inc., for example.
His rankings are as follows:
1. New York Giants- even though they lost to Cleveland.
2. Tennessee Titans- even though they are the last remaining undefeated team. I'll let that one slide.
3. Philadelphia Eagles- 5-4...enough said. Here's another stat, they're 0-3 against their division, which kills them in almost any tie-breaker.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers- That one makes sense.
5. Carolina Panthers- I don't think the Panthers are really this good, but everyone else does, so I'll let him have this one.
6. Tampa Bay Buccanneers-These guys are 6-3, but they've lost to New Orleans, Denver, and Dallas, who Williamson ranks 20,22,16, respectively. Basically, even he knows his rankings are nonsensical.
7. Washington Redskins- Even though they beat Philadelphia. Then again, so did nearly everyone else. Their only losses are to Williamson's numbers 1, 4, and a loss to the Rams in an emotional rebound game, yet they are ranked below Philly and Tampa Bay.
8. Baltimore Ravens- Overall, a decent team for a team who doesn't have a quarterback.
9. Arizona Cardinals- These guys are the slumlords of the NFL, ruling a division full of 2-7 opponents.
10. New York Jets- A 6-3 division leader with a hall of fame quarterback and talented runningbacks, yet they're behind 3 second-place teams and a third-place team.
And that's just the screwiness at the top. There are other spots down lower where I think he got tired of thinking.
There really isn't any reason for me to question these rankings, other than to say this: Why does Matt Wiliamson get to vote in such a highly-publicized poll and make so much money while I can't get a full-time job as any sort of sports writer?
I want some of what he's snorting.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Irony, anyone?
Pete Carroll thinks the BCS "stinks."
The same BCS system that, by virtue of pre-season rankings and hype always favoring his Trojans, gives his team the first crack at a number 1 BCS ranking. (See USC's mysterious jump over an undefeated UGA to number one circa, September 2008).
His team always forfeits their claim to an automatic title game bid by losing inexplicably to Stanford or explicably to Oregon State early in the season, but don't worry, Pete, you'll be back.
That said, he's calling for a playoff system in college football.
He has a point, as there are several questionable re-arrangements present in the most recent BCS rankings. (See Pat Forde on espn.com).
Thus, I see it necessary, or just plain fun, to predict what a playoff would look like if we merely substituted it for the current set-up, and predict the media surrounding each matchup.
Here we go...
FIRST ROUND
(1) Alabama vs. (8) West Virginia "Can the Tide's vaunted defense slow down the mighty Mountaineers? It's the Mountaineers versus Mount Cody (overly white chuckle from Herbstreit.)" Alabama wins, 31-17.
(2)Texas Tech vs. (7) Georgia Tech "In this battle of the Tech's, we know this: Texas Tech will have more yardage through the air, and Georgia Tech will have more rushing yards. Heck, both might get a shutout in their respective specialties (overly white chuckle from Herbstreit.)" Texas Tech wins, 42-21.
(3)Penn State vs. (6) Florida "Tim Tebow and the Gators look to contine the SEC's dominance over Big 10 teams in big-time games. I just hope the Nittany Lions haven't asked Ohio State for any advice (overly white chuckle from Herbstreit.)" Florida wins, 49-14.
(4)Texas vs. (5) USC "One thing that I think goes understated is how incredible USC is at (insert every possible factor of the game of football, excluding winning in Corvallis). Who's the underdog here? (overly white...you get the picture.)" Texas wins, 35-31.
SEMIFINALS
(1) Alabama vs. (4) Texas "This one should be a slobber-knocker, folks. That's all we got. No story lines, sorry." Texas wins, 24-21.
(2) Texas Tech vs. (6) Florida "Tim Tebow takes on his Heisman heir (Crabtree or Harrell, take your pick really). How will Texas Tech's aerial assault fare against an SEC defense?" Florida wins, 42-38.
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
(4) Texas vs. (6) Florida "Thank God we get to say Tim Tebow some more. In fact, let's say it five more times... Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow. Oh yeah, Texas is here, too." Texas wins, 34-28.
So there you have it. That's how it would happen, if I'm any good at predicting, which I'm not. Tim Tebow.
The same BCS system that, by virtue of pre-season rankings and hype always favoring his Trojans, gives his team the first crack at a number 1 BCS ranking. (See USC's mysterious jump over an undefeated UGA to number one circa, September 2008).
His team always forfeits their claim to an automatic title game bid by losing inexplicably to Stanford or explicably to Oregon State early in the season, but don't worry, Pete, you'll be back.
That said, he's calling for a playoff system in college football.
He has a point, as there are several questionable re-arrangements present in the most recent BCS rankings. (See Pat Forde on espn.com).
Thus, I see it necessary, or just plain fun, to predict what a playoff would look like if we merely substituted it for the current set-up, and predict the media surrounding each matchup.
Here we go...
FIRST ROUND
(1) Alabama vs. (8) West Virginia "Can the Tide's vaunted defense slow down the mighty Mountaineers? It's the Mountaineers versus Mount Cody (overly white chuckle from Herbstreit.)" Alabama wins, 31-17.
(2)Texas Tech vs. (7) Georgia Tech "In this battle of the Tech's, we know this: Texas Tech will have more yardage through the air, and Georgia Tech will have more rushing yards. Heck, both might get a shutout in their respective specialties (overly white chuckle from Herbstreit.)" Texas Tech wins, 42-21.
(3)Penn State vs. (6) Florida "Tim Tebow and the Gators look to contine the SEC's dominance over Big 10 teams in big-time games. I just hope the Nittany Lions haven't asked Ohio State for any advice (overly white chuckle from Herbstreit.)" Florida wins, 49-14.
(4)Texas vs. (5) USC "One thing that I think goes understated is how incredible USC is at (insert every possible factor of the game of football, excluding winning in Corvallis). Who's the underdog here? (overly white...you get the picture.)" Texas wins, 35-31.
SEMIFINALS
(1) Alabama vs. (4) Texas "This one should be a slobber-knocker, folks. That's all we got. No story lines, sorry." Texas wins, 24-21.
(2) Texas Tech vs. (6) Florida "Tim Tebow takes on his Heisman heir (Crabtree or Harrell, take your pick really). How will Texas Tech's aerial assault fare against an SEC defense?" Florida wins, 42-38.
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
(4) Texas vs. (6) Florida "Thank God we get to say Tim Tebow some more. In fact, let's say it five more times... Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow. Oh yeah, Texas is here, too." Texas wins, 34-28.
So there you have it. That's how it would happen, if I'm any good at predicting, which I'm not. Tim Tebow.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Where's the Hype?
It's not often I expect a little more hype from the national sports media, particularly from ESPN, but I have to say, I'm disappointed this time.
The Phillies are a team of baseball's good guys, with back-to-back MVP's and a comeback kid in Brad Lidge, whose career as a light's-out closer appeared to be over when Albert Pujols stole his mojo a few years ago.
Lidge was perfect in save attempts this year, and he saved the Series-clinching game 5 for the Phils.
Yet, the next day, no one seemed to care that the Phillies had won.
The same outlets that had lamented how fans wouldn't watch a Phillies-Rays Series gave fans nowhere to hear or read about what was actually an intriguing series.
ESPN gave more coverage to the bottom of the sixth inning in Game 5, which lasted two and a half days, than they did the champs.
The espn.com headline on Thursday, after the Phillies won it all on Wednesday, was a goofy Halloween feature about scary players and other fears in the NFL.
As big of a story as that was, the World Series deserves better.
Thank God there wasn't a draft going on, or we would've had to look at Mel Kiper's natural helmet instead of Series coverage.
Even the Macon Telegraph decided that ANOTHER fearure about the Georgia-Florida game was a bigger deal than a new World Series Champion. The story about the Phils was relegated to a tiny "continued on" spot in the bottom, right-hand corner of the front page.
Media outlets have become confused, I think.
We, as sports fans, actually don't care to read a Telegraph writer's seventh angle of the week on a game that hasn't happened yet nearly as much as we do a World Series.
We enjoy reading a "Top Ten Scariest Players List" that looks oddly like the list you've run approximately 37 times as "Top Ten Dirtiest Players," but a champion deserves it's due.
I can promise you that if ESPN's beloved Red Sox or LA Manny's had won the Classic, there would have been coverage.
If USC somehow wins the BCS title, there will most assuredly be a feature written about every segment of the Trojans' team and how they are the "most awesomest" in the land.
The Phillies bring a title to Philadelphia for the first time in 25 years after beating out the New York Trainwrecks for a second consecutive division title, and they get nothing.
Happy Halloween, now here's a list of "Hockey's Top Ten Scariest Faces."
The Phillies are a team of baseball's good guys, with back-to-back MVP's and a comeback kid in Brad Lidge, whose career as a light's-out closer appeared to be over when Albert Pujols stole his mojo a few years ago.
Lidge was perfect in save attempts this year, and he saved the Series-clinching game 5 for the Phils.
Yet, the next day, no one seemed to care that the Phillies had won.
The same outlets that had lamented how fans wouldn't watch a Phillies-Rays Series gave fans nowhere to hear or read about what was actually an intriguing series.
ESPN gave more coverage to the bottom of the sixth inning in Game 5, which lasted two and a half days, than they did the champs.
The espn.com headline on Thursday, after the Phillies won it all on Wednesday, was a goofy Halloween feature about scary players and other fears in the NFL.
As big of a story as that was, the World Series deserves better.
Thank God there wasn't a draft going on, or we would've had to look at Mel Kiper's natural helmet instead of Series coverage.
Even the Macon Telegraph decided that ANOTHER fearure about the Georgia-Florida game was a bigger deal than a new World Series Champion. The story about the Phils was relegated to a tiny "continued on" spot in the bottom, right-hand corner of the front page.
Media outlets have become confused, I think.
We, as sports fans, actually don't care to read a Telegraph writer's seventh angle of the week on a game that hasn't happened yet nearly as much as we do a World Series.
We enjoy reading a "Top Ten Scariest Players List" that looks oddly like the list you've run approximately 37 times as "Top Ten Dirtiest Players," but a champion deserves it's due.
I can promise you that if ESPN's beloved Red Sox or LA Manny's had won the Classic, there would have been coverage.
If USC somehow wins the BCS title, there will most assuredly be a feature written about every segment of the Trojans' team and how they are the "most awesomest" in the land.
The Phillies bring a title to Philadelphia for the first time in 25 years after beating out the New York Trainwrecks for a second consecutive division title, and they get nothing.
Happy Halloween, now here's a list of "Hockey's Top Ten Scariest Faces."
Friday, October 24, 2008
Suggs for President '08
Terrell Suggs would be an incredibly stereotypical presidential candidate.
In a recent "Two Live Stews" interview, he made several note-worthy comments, including the statement that the Ravens had a "bounty" on Rashard Mendenhall that caused his shoulder injury.
He also said that he and his fellow defenders had a hit out for Hines Ward because he's a dirty player, and Troy Smith will and should start over Joe Flacco.
When the NFL began investigating the "bounty" comments, Suggs pulled a Kerry-esque flip-flop and said, in effect,
"What I meant to say was we were worried about that mean ol' Hines Ward. Look, he broke a guy's jaw last week. Brrr...Scary!"
He also completely changed his opinion on the Flacco-Smith debate, saying that he meant they should platoon so the team can get some diverse packaging options.
All we're missing is a "Senator McCain is right," and Suggs could be a great Democratic party candidate.
Suggs may have a point on the quarterback issue, considering Flacco's inconsistencies, but that doesn't really matter.
I think the real issue is that someone should show Terrell Suggs his own business card, if he has one. His title is not "Offensive Coordinator," "Head Coach," or even "Anyone with a tangible connection to offensive personnel decisions."
His title is simply "Linebacker."
The idea that a linebacker even has a publicist is ludicrous, but maybe Terrell's publicist pointed to that particular line on Suggs' imaginary business card and suggested a change in stance.
Regardless, Suggs' flip-flop is one of the most pronounced I've ever seen in the sports world, so I think he should run for president with those kind of statement-bending capabilities.
Heck, it's guaranteed nearly half the country would vote for him.
In a recent "Two Live Stews" interview, he made several note-worthy comments, including the statement that the Ravens had a "bounty" on Rashard Mendenhall that caused his shoulder injury.
He also said that he and his fellow defenders had a hit out for Hines Ward because he's a dirty player, and Troy Smith will and should start over Joe Flacco.
When the NFL began investigating the "bounty" comments, Suggs pulled a Kerry-esque flip-flop and said, in effect,
"What I meant to say was we were worried about that mean ol' Hines Ward. Look, he broke a guy's jaw last week. Brrr...Scary!"
He also completely changed his opinion on the Flacco-Smith debate, saying that he meant they should platoon so the team can get some diverse packaging options.
All we're missing is a "Senator McCain is right," and Suggs could be a great Democratic party candidate.
Suggs may have a point on the quarterback issue, considering Flacco's inconsistencies, but that doesn't really matter.
I think the real issue is that someone should show Terrell Suggs his own business card, if he has one. His title is not "Offensive Coordinator," "Head Coach," or even "Anyone with a tangible connection to offensive personnel decisions."
His title is simply "Linebacker."
The idea that a linebacker even has a publicist is ludicrous, but maybe Terrell's publicist pointed to that particular line on Suggs' imaginary business card and suggested a change in stance.
Regardless, Suggs' flip-flop is one of the most pronounced I've ever seen in the sports world, so I think he should run for president with those kind of statement-bending capabilities.
Heck, it's guaranteed nearly half the country would vote for him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)